You Never Can Tell

The Clandons—twins Dolly and Phil, older sister Gloria, and their mother—return from Madeira to England and make the acquaintance of Valentine, a penniless dentist who immediately falls in love with Gloria. When they invite him to lunch, they discover that his landlord is the rich husband who Mrs. Clandon fled from years ago. What follows is a comedy of errors and a satire of both Victorian morality and modern values. Smoothing over these issues is an old waiter, who dispenses wisdom such as “you never can tell.” You Never Can Tell was written in 1897 and premiered in 1899 at the Royalty Theatre in London, after Shaw’s first commercial success but still early in his career. It was published in the collection Plays Pleasant.